What a rollercoaster...

Up until this year when we found out Hailey had gastro, I never thought about what it would be like to not be able to hold my baby when she was born. Seeing all of these new parents around me in the hospital holding their babies and taking them home has been quite a lot for me to swallow. I knew we weren't going to get to hold Hailey for the first few days of her life and I was well prepared for what was to come thanks to my new best friend Britni who went through this experience just 9 months ago with her baby girl Ava who also had gastro, but it is still very hard to watch. Tuesday was such a rollercoaster of emotions for both Mike and I. In the morning we got to feed her some breastmilk on her lips (not much) and we were so happy to see her eyes open and everything just felt great. In the afternoon things changed.. the doctors wanted to put a PICC line in to feed Hailey TPN and after they explained the pros and cons to it I had to sign a consent form for it. Mike had to go to work so I was nervous being alone but thankfully Britni came to visit me while they tried to put the PICC line in Hailey. We waited and waited for what seemed like forever and finally they told us we could come down to see Hailey in the NICU. So we got down there and we were all excited, thinking they put the PICC line in and taken some other tubes that Hailey didnt like out. Well that wasn't the case when we got there.. I looked at my little girl's arm and saw it had been poked at a few times and was all red with a bruise forming by her wrist. The nurse came over and said they weren't successful getting the PICC line in and I almost broke down right there.. Poor Hailey I looked into her eyes and could see the tears built up and the pain medicine keeping her from crying.. I felt helpless.. I couldn't hold my little girl and comfort her and that's all I wanted was to calm her down against me. The nurse told me they were going to try to put the PICC line in again later in the night and all I could think was what if they are unsuccessful again! My little girl has to go through this again.. and all I can do is hope and pray that it goes in this time without any problems and with as little pain as possible for Hailey. Mike came back to the hospital after work and I told him what happened to Hailey and that they were going to try again tonight. He felt horrible.. we were both so sad. We went down to see her and to our suprise the nurse asked if we wanted to hold Hailey and while Mike and I were both excited I couldn't contain my emotions and started crying because I hadn't expected to hold her soo soon! I had told Mike he could hold Hailey first since I carried her for the past 36 weeks but he insisted I hold her and it was a moment I will never forget! The nurse even took our picture! While I obviously look like a wreck in the picture and mike looks amazing its the best picture in the world because it shows our true feelings in the moment. What a perfect first picture of our new family! You can see how happy we are to have her in our arms! After an eventful day we woke up the next morning to find out that Hailey's PICC line had to be taken out again and that they were going to try to put it back in for the 3rd time later in the day. We were soo upset to hear this but hoped and prayed saying that the 3rd time's a charm and it was thankfully! I will update more tomorrow!